


When You're Gone

by Souyoosk



Category: Free!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-17
Updated: 2014-03-17
Packaged: 2018-01-16 01:46:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1327234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Souyoosk/pseuds/Souyoosk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would happen if Makoto actually died during the storm?</p>
            </blockquote>





	When You're Gone

“Rei!”

A familiar and panicked voice caused Haru to sit up and blink his eyes awake. He wasn’t sure that it wasn’t a part of whatever dream he was coming out of. All he knew for sure was that his heart was pounding louder than the storm raging on outside of the tent. He didn’t hear anymore and Nagisa was now waking up as well. Something wasn’t right though and the sinking feeling that Haru felt in his stomach prompted him to go outside of the tent.

He looked around the immediate area and there was nothing. The heavy rain and wind made it hard to see, but Makoto’s and Rei’s tent flap was open and flinging about wildly.

 _Maybe he was just having a nightmare like when it normally storms._ There was no mistaking now that he heard Makoto’s voice and was hoping that there was a simple explanation to why his friend was screaming.

But the tent was empty. And the sleeping bags were still warm.

“Maybe they went to the bathroom?” Nagisa’s sleepy voice broke through the beginning of Haru’s panic.

Haru looked all around. No footprints in the sand leading away from the water.

With dread, He turned to the choppy waves and the roar of the ocean as the storm churned up the dark water. Lightning lit up the sky from above, just enough to give Haru enough light to see them. Everything froze for that one moment. He had never been more afraid of anything in his life before this. Seeing Makoto swimming out to a drowning Rei made Haru’s heart stop.

It only took a moment for the gut-wrenching fear to pass and for him to shed his shirt, ordering Nagisa to contact Amakata-sensei. He didn’t even care when Nagisa ignored him and followed him into the rough swells.

Haru did his best to keep an eye on Makoto as well as not fight too much with the water that threatened to end all of their lives. He couldn’t panic or rush. Not even when he saw Makoto slip under the water and not come back up until Haru dove under to pull the unconscious teen up and out of the depths.

The swim back to safe land was a blur. All Haru could think of was that he needed to keep Makoto’s mouth away from the water. He did the best he could and almost collapsed as he dragged Makoto out of the surf.

He set him down gently, but yelled his name when he realized that Makoto wasn’t waking up. He almost choked, but he needed to act fast and without hesitation if he was going to save his best friend.

He leaned down, listening for a pulse. _Good, it was still there. Slow, but still there._

Haru stopped as he sat up again. He took a deep breath and started performing CPR on Makoto. He was now grateful that they had learned it in primary school swim club as now he was in extreme need of the information.

To Haru’s short relief, Makoto regained consciousness for a few moments to cough up water and open his eyes. Tears were falling down his face and Makoto reached up to touch Haru’s cheek with that stupid smile of his. “Haru-chan, I’m glad I could see you again….”

And he was out again. Haru checked his vitals again and again, screaming Makoto’s name.

“Makoto! Makoto, please wake up! Makoto!”

Haru stopped mid-sob. He couldn’t be losing his best friend like this. No matter what he did, he couldn’t get Makoto to wake back up. Every ounce of his will went into hoping that those familiar green eyes would stare at him again and that they would disappear during one of his signature smiles. But that was such a faraway dream at this point.

“Haru, what’s wrong?” Nagisa came running over, Rei running behind him. Upon seeing Makoto sprawled out on the beach, both first-years were wide eyed and Nagisa started to tear up. His voice was a lot quieter the second time around. “Is he..?”

“No, he’s not dead but we need to get him out of the rain right now. As soon as the storm clears, I’m going to swim back for help.” Haru’s voice was cold and clipped and he avoided looking at both Nagisa and Rei. He could feel an unwelcome anger towards the both of them and shut down to shut them out. Blaming them would get him nowhere and certainly wouldn’t help Makoto wake up any time soon.

It took only a couple of minutes to half-drag, half-carry Makoto to a semi-protected area, away from the rain. He wished that there was more protection for his unconscious friend, but he no longer had the strength to carry Makoto anywhere else.

Haru stayed silent and ignored Nagisa’s attempts to talk or catch his attention. He focused all of his energy into keeping an eye on Makoto’s vitals.

He watched that pale face with rapt attention, his body numb to the constant wind and rainfall that made the others shiver. This was Makoto in front of him, yet all he could do was continue to watch and check to make sure he was still breathing mechanically. Not even the time in middle school when Rin came back touched him this hard. He was frozen stiff, terrified of losing the friend that had been through it all with him. He needed this happy person in his life, needed to see him smile every day from then on.

The time moved by quickly for Haru. He couldn’t feel anything, couldn’t tell how much time passed at all because he was so intent on waiting for the constant roar of the ocean to disappear. And when it did, it left him feeling emptier than he ever had before.

The sea calmed like the storm never even touched and when the clouds began to clear, Haru couldn’t even feel the tiniest bit relieved. He gave Makoto one last soft look and whispered to him before he stood up. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. Nagisa, make sure that he keeps breathing.”

“Be careful, Haru-chan.” Nagisa tried to meet Haru’s eyes, but the older swimmer refused, turning to run toward the water and not hesitating to dive in and take off toward the main island. Nagisa watched him, his chest tight and the lump in his throat practically ready to spill into tears. But he needed to stay strong. For Rei and Makoto.

He touched Rei’s shoulder, making him jump at the sudden contact. He had cried silently the entire time they spent waiting for the storm to subside, but Nagisa couldn’t speak until Haru left, knowing that no matter what he said, he wouldn’t be able to get through to Rei without setting Haru off on them both. “Hey, Rei-chan, it’s not your fault. It’s mine for going on this stupid trip in the first place. If I had read him better…”

“Nagisa, don’t do that.” Rei couldn’t stand seeing his friend like that and especially not since it was entirely his fault. “I should have known better. Swimming at night was dangerous and Makoto-senpai clearly told me… he said to be careful and I caused all of this. I’m so sorry Makoto-senpai. I should be the one unconscious, not you…”

Rei hung his head, trying to choke back sobs as Nagisa watched him, unsure of how to comfort him. He wanted to hug him and tell him that he was wrong, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Makoto was unconscious in front of the both of them and Haru was closed off again. Nagisa could feel the bonds they started creating again dissolving. And Makoto… he had to live. There was no doubt in Nagisa’s mind that the swimmer was strong enough to last until Haru came back with help.

 

2 hours later…

 

Haru glared at the ground in the hospital waiting room, wrapped up in blankets and warm clothes the Tachibanas had been kind enough to pick up for him. They were busy talking to the doctor, Ren and Ran sent to one of their relatives house until it all blew over.

Haru wasn’t sure what to feel anymore. The paramedics had congratulated on keeping his friend alive by performing CPR, but the good vibes had quickly dissolved when they realized that his body temperature had dropped too low and that his life was in more danger. The looks on their faces had told Haru everything he needed to know.

His friend might die.

The only person who ever stuck with him could die.

It was a blow he knew he wasn’t strong enough to take. Everyone that was ever important to him had left his life. Rin, his grandma, and his own parents. All disappeared and now he could lose Makoto too.

It was beginning to be too much. He was on edge and still numb. No matter how many blankets they piled on him, Haru couldn’t get warm. He stared at the tile floor, his feelings hallow and he was incredibly weak. The bustling energy of the hospital was the same as the roar of the ocean. It was white noise, nothing compared to the suffering Haru was going through. Sitting. Waiting.

“Nanase-san, will you please come with me?”

Haru’s head shot up, his eyes were wide and searching the doctor’s face for any sign of what may be going on with his best friend. His body felt as highly strung as a bow. Like he was ready to take off and run out of the building at any moment.

He almost wanted to do just that.

But the doctor gave him a calm smile and beckoned. He couldn’t run and somehow his legs were working enough to carry him into a private room where Makoto was passed out peacefully. He was hooked up to a ventilator to help him breathe, but that was no surprise. He looked so serene, like he was having a nice rest.

“Nanase-san, I have some bad news…”

“Your friend, Tachibana-san, he…”

_Please, no._

“will never wake up again.”

The doctor continued talking but Haru didn’t hear another word.

His world was crashing around him.

_Anyone but him._

_Why was it him?_

“…I’ll let you say your goodbye.”

Once the door shut, Haru walked to the bedside, swaying as his body shook. Sobbing, he reached for that lifeless hand just as it had for him in the past. No more swimming together, walking to school together, no more of those luminous smiles. The memories teased him in the back of his mind as tears fell down his face.

“I’m so sorry Makoto. I should have been there for you. I’m sorry to make you worry about me all the time. I’m sorry that I caused all of this. I’m sorry. _Please don’t leave me._ ”

Haru fell to his knees, letting the unresponsive hand go as he bowed his head. “I’ll miss you… my best friend…”

The shock settled in and a nurse walked in just as Haru blacked out on the cold floor.

 

“Ryuugazaki-san, Hazuki-san, I’m afraid I have terrible news…”

Rei and Nagisa stared, unable to process the doctor’s words. Nagisa burst into tears immediately, sobbing into his hands. “Mako-chan…no…”

Guilt wracked through his mind, vicious thoughts circling through over and over again. _It was your fault for pushing everyone to go. He did it because you wanted to go. It’s all your fault he’s dead._

He curled into a ball on the chair, hiding his face into his knees as he continued to sob. “I never should have started this stupid swim club. H-he’s dead because of it. Mako-chan, I’m sorry!”

 

Rei went into shock at the words. It couldn’t be true. He couldn’t be dead. Makoto-senpai was the last person that deserved death. He was one of those people that lit up the room just by being in it.

_I… I killed him? Didn’t I? This.. is all—my fault. I should have been the one. Not him. He’s the beautiful one. I don’t deserve to be sitting here. I put everyone’s lives in danger and I killed him._

“Ma-koto-senpai.. I’m sorry. It… should have been me…” Silently, tears feel down Rei’s cheeks, his eyes unfocused and dull. “Nagisa, everyone, it should have been me. I’m sorry. I should have been the one that died.”

“Rei, M-Mako-chan wouldn’t w-want to hear th-that.” Nagisa stuttered from crying so hard but managed to sit up and then cling to his friend. W-we’ve got to l-live for him. Okay?”

Rei nodded, beginning to sob after the shock wore off and at Nagisa’s words. Out of every one of them, Rei was the one that deserved the comfort the least, but Nagisa was right. He would try to live by Makoto’s standards. It was the right thing to do.

 

“Matsuoka, there’s a phone call for you. It’s from the hospital.” Seijuuro’s face was carefully neutral even if he knew what the outcome of the call would be.

Rin was curious and suspicious, a pang of nervousness twisting his stomach as he pulled himself out of the pool. He sincerely hoped that Gou and his mom were okay.

“Hello?”

“R-rin-” Gou’s broken voice was on the other line.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

She sobbed. “It’s Makoto-senpai…”

Rin dropped the phone after she finished explaining. Tears sprang to his eyes despite his best efforts to hold them back.

_It couldn’t be… Anyone but him. Makoto…_

Rin did the only thing that he could do. He ran. At first he slipped from the slick surface of the cement and the water dripping off his body, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t give a shit in the world about how hurt he got because it wouldn’t compare to the ripping sensation in his heart. It almost wasn’t real, but the more he thought about it, the more it seemed real. Tears fell freely as he sprinted, half blinded and uncaring of where he was running to.

Sobs stopped him in his tracks outside of the school. The breeze chilling his wet skin as he stopped to bring in ragged breaths.

“Goddammit!” He pounded his fists on the school walls, a whimper escaping after the shout. He fell to his knees, his body limp and lifeless. “Why? This shouldn’t have happened. Not to him. My god, Makoto…”

 

A few weeks later…

 

Haru sighed as he drained the water from his bath. He was going to be late for class again. Of course, the teachers didn’t care. They’d just give him that pitying look and tell him that it was understandable. He didn’t even go half the time. There was no reason to.

Once dried off and clothed, Haru walked downstairs to the family alter. Not too long ago, there was only one picture there, but now Makoto’s stayed there too. That stupid grin of his forever captured and there to remind Haru that he’d never see it again. “Grandma, thank you for all of the advice you have given me. I miss you.”

Haru took a breath, feeling the familiar lump in his throat rise up as he moved onto the next part. His voice shook as he spoke. “Not a day goes by that I miss you. I’m sorry, Makoto.”

Every day it was the same thing. The same words. And the same thoughts that remained unspoken.

_Most of all, I’m sorry that I never got the chance to tell you how much I love you._

**Author's Note:**

> A friend gave me sad headcanons and I wrote them.


End file.
